The Charmm'd Foundation
485 E. Half Day Rd, Ste 200 - Buffalo Grove, IL 60089
Phone: 847-883-9932 - Fax: 847-883-9960 - email: info@charmmdfoundation.org
485 E. Half Day Rd, Ste 200 - Buffalo Grove, IL 60089
Phone: 847-883-9932 - Fax: 847-883-9960 - email: info@charmmdfoundation.org
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| for Active Listening |
Practicing Active Listen Skills
If we listen with empathy, many things are accomplished!
When we listen with empathy we acknowledge someone’s feelings. Many times we may think a speaker wants us to give
an opinion when in reality all they want is for us to understand how they feel.
“Acknowledging feelings” involves looking at the “whole message.” This includes a person’s words, body language, tone
of voice and level of emotion. From there, we try to determine what emotion they are conveying and respond back in one
sentence the emotion we think they are feeling.
The person will let us know if we get it right or wrong. If they feel we care, they will continue to share and we can continue
to listen.
How do we clear our minds so that we really “hear” what someone else is saying?
Often when someone talks to us we have other things on our mind. These may be thoughts from past conversations,
concerns we are currently dealing with, or even input we would like to share with this person and haven’t yet had the
opportunity to do so.
If we really want to understand what the other person is trying to communicate, it is important that we give them 100% of
our attention. How do we do that?
How do we do that? Here are some tips we at The Charmm’d Foundation use, as we too, struggle with the same issue.
If we are still processing past events we can:
If we find we want to respond to what the person is saying while they are talking:
The Art of Paraphrasing
Paraphrasing is a key part of Active Listening. Its about restating the message to help clarify the information spoken to
preserve the essential meaning.
Try the following tips to help you paraphrase what you hear when engaged in a conversation:
- If I understand correctly, you need…
Listen for and remember someone’s name when you are being introduced.
This shows respect, let's them know that they are important to you, and is a first step in building a positive relationship.
Try the following to help you remember names:
Think "LMER":
Listen to the other person speak, comment on what they said and then build off of that. To help with this, you
may find it useful to:
If we listen with empathy, many things are accomplished!
- More information is (can be) shared
- Emotions are (can be) released
- Tension is reduced
- And, a safe environment is created for trust, respect and problem solving. (and respect and for problems to be
solved.)
When we listen with empathy we acknowledge someone’s feelings. Many times we may think a speaker wants us to give
an opinion when in reality all they want is for us to understand how they feel.
“Acknowledging feelings” involves looking at the “whole message.” This includes a person’s words, body language, tone
of voice and level of emotion. From there, we try to determine what emotion they are conveying and respond back in one
sentence the emotion we think they are feeling.
The person will let us know if we get it right or wrong. If they feel we care, they will continue to share and we can continue
to listen.
How do we clear our minds so that we really “hear” what someone else is saying?
Often when someone talks to us we have other things on our mind. These may be thoughts from past conversations,
concerns we are currently dealing with, or even input we would like to share with this person and haven’t yet had the
opportunity to do so.
If we really want to understand what the other person is trying to communicate, it is important that we give them 100% of
our attention. How do we do that?
How do we do that? Here are some tips we at The Charmm’d Foundation use, as we too, struggle with the same issue.
If we are still processing past events we can:
- Communicate to the person that we need the time to clear our heads and ask for that time.
- Share what is on our mind (check in) so they are aware of what is going on with us – and possibly can even help.
- Commit to ourselves that we will process later. (This may be a mental note we make to ourselves or write down on
our to-do list.) We can then make the effort to consciously focus on the current event so that we can really hear
what is being said and respond effectively.
If we find we want to respond to what the person is saying while they are talking:
- Sometimes it makes sense to signal/interrupt the individual if a clarification is needed to understand and move
forward. - We can jot down our thought(s) to share later on in the conversation. By writing our thought down we can be
confident our thought(s) won’t be lost and we can focus again on listening.
The Art of Paraphrasing
Paraphrasing is a key part of Active Listening. Its about restating the message to help clarify the information spoken to
preserve the essential meaning.
Try the following tips to help you paraphrase what you hear when engaged in a conversation:
- Repeat key points to build dialogue during the conversation. Begin with phrases such as:
- If I understand correctly, you need…
- Empathize and show compassion during emotional aspects of the conversation
- In closing the conversation, summarize the conversation in your own words and repeat it back to the speaker.
- As a final step, encourage feedback to gain confirmation.
- Ask the person to repeat back to you important information that you have given to ensure that all are on the same
page.
Listen for and remember someone’s name when you are being introduced.
This shows respect, let's them know that they are important to you, and is a first step in building a positive relationship.
Try the following to help you remember names:
- Pay attention to names when you are introduced.
- Acknowledge and repeat the name out loud.
- Say it often until it sticks.
- Ask how their name is spelled if it is not obvious.
- Jot it down, if possible.
- Relate their name to something else that can help you remember.
- Be of the mindset that you want to and will learn their name. Wanting something is the first step in making it
happen.
Think "LMER":
- Look and Listen – all about eye contact and making that connection with the person
- Mind Picture – create a picture of association that creates one picture
- Exaggerate – make the image personal and perhaps funny, it will be easier to remember
- Repeat – say quietly to yourself a few times and find a way to work it into the conversation so that it is respectful
Listen to the other person speak, comment on what they said and then build off of that. To help with this, you
may find it useful to:
- Write down something that the other person has said that you would like to connect with.
- Paraphrase a comment or two
- Give the person your full attention so that you may listen to them both verbally and non verbally.
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| Emotionally Strong. Character Rich. |
| Click here for Quick Tips & Tools on Building Self-Confidence! |
| SOUND OFF! The Charmm'd Foundation sounds off about working on these Quick Tips & Tools on Active Listening: "I found it very helpful to work on active listening by breaking it down into specific skills with a group of colleagues, which provided accountability, reinforcement, and opportunities to intentionally practice the skills on a regular basis." - Ashley "I found it helpful to write down the active listening exercise and post it in a place where I see it everyday as a reminder to practice the skill." - Susan "It is a never ending process that is a part of the overall communication process and one that I need to always have at the forefront on what I focus on." - Gene "I found I need more than 60 days to turn a new practice into a habit. And when I give it that time, I've got it!" - Sheri "I felt that practicing these tools, however simple they may have seemed, had a positive impact on my relationship with others. They helped to strengthen our understanding of each other and improved my integrity as a good listener and a good friend." - Jennifer |
| The more we practice these quick and useful tips, the quicker they become a part of our everyday life! |